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· King Ding-A-Ling
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2,249 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I had a 5 Star last Saturday!!!

How to Rate a Hangover
Only those who have been there can identify with this.........

One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you
have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging
is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the tacos
from the 3:00 AM, Taco Bell excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume
reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.

Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else
you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and
has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice
clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of
your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on
while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein,
and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and
the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the
eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover(*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying
the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of
every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the
corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get
the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to
generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the
foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed
this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your butt. Death sounds pretty good about right now....
 

· Huntress
Joined
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6,003 Posts
Anyone who laughed at this needs to see the movie 'Bridesmaids'. I know you think I'm crazy, but seriously... effing hilarious. Rent it if you don't want your buddies to see you hitting a chick flick in the theatre.

You'll laugh till you cry. Sick, Sick Sick poop humor.
 

· Somateria spectabilis
Joined
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14,103 Posts
Anyone who laughed at this needs to see the movie 'Bridesmaids'. I know you think I'm crazy, but seriously... effing hilarious. Rent it if you don't want your buddies to see you hitting a chick flick in the theatre.

You'll laugh till you cry. Sick, Sick Sick poop humor.
I have heard that from the a guy might think it's a chick flick, but in fact there is more guy humor in the movie than anything. I heard it's freaking hilarious, but I haven't seen it.
 
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